First off, there are the bears with the toilet paper; know which one I’m talking about? You do, don’t you? They are cartoon bears who talk, sing and do their business on toilets. Not only do they poo like humans, they apparently need to use toilet paper. And boy do they love their toilet paper! They love the toilet paper so much, they have to talk about how soft and absorbent it is. They are bears. I just need this to stop. I’m not going to make any decisions about which toilet tissue I prefer based on what a bunch of animated forest creatures think. End this now, toilet paper people. YOU ARE KILLING ME.
I haven’t seen it recently, but a couple years ago, there was a commercial for a margarine that starred a dancing and singing Megan Mullally. I like her. I liked her a lot in Will and Grace, but Lady; you need to stop it with the singing and dancing about the butter. I think the advertisement was made to be funny, but it’s not. It’s sad. I hate it. It’s beneath you. Stop the madness. You are better than this.
There is a commercial for a well-known drugstore chain that airs quite frequently, and honestly, the spokesperson is just too darn happy. No one is that happy. You don’t even see his face, but his voice is so stinking happy, it just makes my stomach hurt. There isn’t anyone out there who is THAT excited about a pharmacy chain. Dude, it’s a store with a pharmacy, nail polish, a few snacks, and seasonal items. Get over it.
Someone tell me why I cannot watch a Detroit Tigers game without having to hear Kid Rock singing the same song, in the same commercial nearly three hundred and fifty times? I realize Kid Rock is probably a really nice guy. I know he gives a lot of time and money to the city of Detroit and its surrounding communities, and I really respect those efforts; but I don’t want to hear him sing. If I did, I would buy his songs. I do not buy them, but I get to hear one of them over and over and over again whenever I watch the Tigers play baseball. I wouldn’t mind it much at all if the commercial aired two or three times during the games, but five or six and I’ve had enough.
I’ve also had it with any commercial containing a talking or singing dog or cat. I really don’t care how delicious that doggie treat is or how much the kitties enjoy the new and improved fish taste in canned cat food. I don’t want to hear about it, especially from a talking mongrel. Hey there, commercial makers; animals can’t talk. They can’t sing. Stop making them sell stuff for you. It’s preposterous.
Thank you, makers of advertisements for a certain feminine wash. I especially enjoy the ad about the young woman who “found out the hard way” that she was not all that “fresh”. I still have a very hard time silently picturing in my mind how she discovered her lack of freshness. I’m perplexed, and not in a fun, curious sort of way. First of all, shouldn’t a mild soap or body wash be enough? From what I understand, that whole area down there pretty much takes care of itself as long as we all practice normal, basic and proper hygiene. So, why the need for a feminine wash? And, while I’m talking about this, why is the wash only for females? If a man were to use it, would certain appendages fall away?
This brings me to the commercials about a certain little blue pill we all know and love. I’m particularly fond of this one, especially when it airs during a sporting event I’m watching with my young boys. “Mommy, what’s an erection lasting more than four hours?”